9 THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT BEING ENGAGED

It’s been nearly three months into my engagement, and it has been an absolute whirlwind of the highs and lows of excitement, stress and everything in between (mostly excitement though, don’t worry). While it’s fresh on my mind, I wanted to share some of my personal thoughts on being engaged. While being engaged is impossible to plan for and everyone’s experience varies, hopefully these little tidbits will help give you some piece of mind before or when you engaged.

1. Saying “fiancé” is weird.
Okay it just is. It feels so formal, so pretentious, so…French. In these first months that I’ve been engaged, I frankly found boyfriend rolling off my tongue much more often than “fiancé”, but I’m finally realizing that people expect you to say it, they don’t judge you, and hey, you only get to say it for a small period of your life, so there’s no need to pardon your French. 😉

2. Picking out bridesmaids is like the hardest thing. Like ever.
No matter what stage you are in your life when you get engaged, picking out those ladies who will stand next to you as you say “I do” can be tough. For myself, I felt it especially hard. In fact, it was the decision that’s caused me most stress out of anything so far in wedding planning. I absolutely dread the thought of hurting anyone’s feelings (especially those of my very best friends), and being just two and a half years out of college and still having amazing relationships with my college and high school friends made it so difficult to decide. In fact, if it were up to me, I’d have had 20 girls standing beside me. But it’s not just my wedding, it’s Cole’s too and he talked me down to a more reasonable number (we wanted an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen). Having a bridal/house party in addition is a great way to include more of your best friends as a part of your big day and that’s ultimately what I decided to do, and I’m so glad I did (photos of the boxes I sent them to come)! If I could give advice to myself now it would be to breathe easy and relax – your friends will go through this too one day and will be all the more understanding (if they aren’t already) of how hard that decision can be.

3. You will do things you once rolled your eyes at.
Okay maybe (hopefully) you won’t use the caption “he put a ring on it” on social media, but you will do things you swore to your girlfriends you’d never do. The countless photos with your gal pals holding your left hand in the air. Posting a ring photo on instagram. Staring at your ring while you think no one is watching at your desk. Taking engagement photos of your new fiancé staring hopelessly into your eyes. Smiling giddily all the time. You’ll do it. And likely there will be people who will roll their eyes upon seeing you do or post these things, but that’s okay because they will go through it too sometime and understand. Just embrace it (and let Taylor’s “Shake it Off” song go on repeat in your head) – it will all be over before you know it and you’ll be reminiscing on this unique and special time in your lives.

4. You don’t have to have a planner.
Okay, some people need a planner, I get it. But I don’t like it when I’m told or strongly suggested that I need a planner for a day I’ve been planning since I was two. Most of us have a vision for what we want – all you need is to set aside the time to do some research and organization for yourself. Plus, I’ve heard some of my friends say they strongly dislike and disagree with their planner. My advice is to buy a journal and a calendar/organizer and jot down your thoughts, needs, and to-do’s in lists and join a site like the Knot that will help remind you of which things to do at what time and give you ways to organize your ideas. So far, I have both venues, the band, and the bridal party figured out with the photographer in the works – so, I’m on schedule and I’ve done it all on my own (with the help of my mother and sister, of course). Side note –  I do suggest a day-of coordinator, and have been advised to hire one by many. The last thing you want to worry about on your wedding day is rounding everyone up for photos, etc. and you wouldn’t want to put that on a family member either.

5. Weddings are EXPENSIVE.
Okay maybe you have heard that. But it’s not until you actually start planning and adding up the dollar signs that you realize it. It simply doesn’t seem financially responsible for anyone to be shelling out well over what many people (or myself at least) make in a whole year’s salary for one day, but that’s simply the nature of the beast. This is why there’s an entire industry that’s booming and making mega bucks off of this one category – weddings. Supply and demand lessons from economics class have quickly become a reality in the last few months. My advice is to meet with your family and come up with a budget that’s reasonable and realistic. If that means waiting a few more months to save up, then do it! Cutting corners on a wedding is doable but not easy and it would be better to wait than rush it and be stressed, in my opinion.

6. People will have a lot of opinions.
The people closest to you, especially your family, will have many opinions about what they want and envision for your day. If you’re anything like me, you can be easily swayed by the opinions of those you love. There’s nothing wrong with that, and you should definitely take these opinions into consideration, but remember it’s your wedding, and at the end of the day, things should be decided by you AND your fiancé.

7. You will feel rushed into buying a dress.
This is something I’ve struggled with recently. In my opinion, picking out your dress is one of the most important things you’ll do. I mean think about it, you’ve seen your mother’s wedding photos, your grandmother’s, not to mention your aunts’, that of the family you babysit for, your neighbors’, etc. You want to look and feel beautiful on your wedding day, but you also wants the photos to look beautiful. Every consultant you meet with will make you believe that NOW, no YESTERDAY, was the time you should have bought your dress and your time is running out. At my second wedding dress consulting appointment (11 months before the big day) my consultant convinced me of this and I literally had nightmares for two nights thinking I had to buy the dress she convinced me was “the one”. I have two snippets of advice for this:

• Take your time and find the right dress that you have absolutely no doubt is “the one” (obviously don’t cut it too close).
• Be sure to take photos of the dresses you try on with your iPhone and review the way they look on camera after your appointment. Unless your doing a wedding outside in the day where the lighting is fabulous, your dress will most likely be photographed on countless iphones in artificially-lit spaces, so if you don’t like it in photographs, don’t buy it. I’ve been to 4 wedding dress appointments so far and have experienced this – LOVING the dress in person, HATING it in photos. Needless to say, I’m still on the hunt for the perfect dress. 😉

8. People will ask you about the wedding planning. A LOT.
Literally the day after I was engaged, the questions about the wedding started. When are you getting married? What are your colors? Where is your bachelorette party? Where will you get married? While it’s SO fun to talk about wedding stuff, this can send your brain into over drive and create unecessary stress if you let it. Remember that people are simply excited for you and your big day, it doesn’t mean you have to know the answers yet.

9. It’s easy to forget the most important part of it all.
Yes, I’m admitting it, the first month I got engaged Cole sat me down after a stressful vent session about the wedding planning and was like, “hey, we’re getting married, who cares about all that?” SIGH (a reminder of why I love this man so much). I always said I would never be the girl who got so caught up in the wedding planning that she forgot to focus on the most important part of it all – the Holy union between you and your husband-to-be. Thankfully, and with the help of my fiancé I had the “aha” moment very early on and nipped that in the bud really quick, but between all of the questions and the sudden stack of to do’s on my plate, I was headed down the track to be that girl. Not being able to plan for when you’ll be engaged (an ailment that drives almost all girls nutty) means you can’t plan ahead, and suddenly, out of no where, you too will have a stack of to-do’s a mile high and the said questions asked by people over and over. Once again, my advice is to chill – not everything has to be done immediately, and if you need more time to keep your sanity, have a longer engagement. The most important thing is to focus on your relationship and the giant milestone and commitment you two are taking together in a short time. THAT is what all of this nonsense is about (okay it’s not nonsense necessarily but it sure seems like it when you put things into perspective).

Well, there you have it. Those are my thoughts on things nobody tells you or can really even prepare you for when you get engaged. Stay tuned for more thoughts on wedding business and photos of our journey to happily ever after. 🙂