Should I Have Another Baby? 13 Things to Know About Your Second Child

Should I have another baby? It’s a question every mother faces at least once in her life. I made the transition from one to two children and was shocked at how unprepared I was. That’s why I’m sharing some important things to consider before having another baby. Plus, 15 things no one tells you about having your second child.

Our third baby will be arriving soon! After the complete shock that came with welcoming the second child into our family, I now fully know that welcoming another baby into our family won’t be a cake walk.

With that being said, I absolutely love being a mom of two! The joy and gratitude I feel in watching Everly and Maxon’s bond and love for each other far outweighs all of the challenges we’ve faced along the way.

However, I do wish I would have been a little more prepared for the changes that came with adding another baby to our family.

Should I Have Another Baby?

There are many things to consider when deciding if you should have another baby. On average, children are born around two years apart. That being said, the first thing you should consider is the age of your first and/or other children.

For most moms, that will mean having a toddler and a baby at the same time, which is no easy task. Of course, there are added benefits of having children close together in age. But the most challenging times will be in those first few years, which brings me to another point.

Before deciding if you should have another baby, think about where you are in life mentally. Postpartum depression is very real and all too common in those first couple of years after having a baby. Before having another baby, be sure you’re in a good mental space.

Not only should you consider your mental health, but also the mental health of your partner. You may have been able to do most of the heavy lifting with the first baby. With another baby; however, your partner will have to step up too, so he or she needs to be in a healthy mental place too.

Another thing you’ll want to evaluate before deciding to have another baby is your relationship with your partner. We’ve all heard it before: a baby won’t fix a relationship, it will only make it more difficult. After having our second child, I can definitely attest that this is so true. Your relationship with your partner needs to be in a rock solid place before you decide to have another baby.

Deciding to have another baby changes your life completely in all kinds of ways. Your mental health and your relationship with your partner are the most important aspects to consider, however, in my opinion.

Second Baby Essentials

13 Things No One Tells You About Having a Second Child

Although I can’t yet speak about how having three children changes life as you know it, I can tell you all about how your second baby will change everything.

To be honest, the transition from no babies to one baby was much easier for us than the transition from one baby to two babies. And the more I speak with other moms about this, the more I’ve realized that this is a very common notion.

When Cole and I found out we were pregnant with our second child, Maxon, we were over the moon with excitement. With the exception of child birth itself (that was something I was very fearful of after the trauma and pain from our first child’s birth), we really weren’t nervous about having another baby.

On the contrary, the birth of our second child was a piece of cake, while the transition to two kids was much more difficult than expected.

Here’s 13 of the things I wish I’d have known before having our second child.

1 – You Won’t Have Any Down Time

Sleep when the baby sleeps? Maybe that worked with the first baby, but you can forget it with the second baby. That precious time will be spent cleaning up both the baby’s messes along with your toddler’s messes too.

Your older child will also demand your attention during these crucial and dwindling moments when he/she can get you all to his/herself again.

2 – The Second Baby Will Be Considered More Difficult

Even if you luck out with an easy going second baby, everything is going to feel more difficult because you now have a newborn and a toddler to look after. It’s easy to blame this on the second child being a harder baby.

The truth is though, whether your second baby is easy or harder to please, it will all feel like a lot more work because of the simple fact that your load has doubled.

I remember Cole often remarking that Everly was an “easier baby” in those first months with Maxon. And while she was easier in some ways, she was also more difficult in others. What was actually more difficult was that we now had two tiny humans who had their own individual wants and needs instead of just one.

3 – Nothing That Worked With Your First Baby Will Work With Your Second Baby

This is another reason the second child may unfairly get a bad rap. Go ahead and throw out all the knowledge and tricks you gained from your first baby, because they probably won’t work on your second baby.

It is absolutely true that every baby is born with his or her own individual personality, with wants and needs of their own. I learned this very quickly when our second child arrived.

Everly and Maxon couldn’t have been more opposite as babies. Everly is a night owl, Maxon is an early bird. Everly loved being soothed by her pacifier, Maxon would have none of it. Everly loved car rides and easily fell asleep in the car. Maxon screamed his head off the entire drive from the hospital to our home and still screams at the top of his lungs on every car ride at 17 months. Everly was particular about everything she ate from the start. Maxon will at least try just about anything.

You get the gist. One of the things I’ve learned about being a mom is that you can try to decide what kind of mom or parenting style or baby soothing trend before your baby arrives, but your baby will be much better at telling you what works for him/her.

4 – The Days Will Pass Much Quicker

With our first baby, I relished those sweet newborn days when the baby spent most of the day napping and eating.

Yes, the notion of being responsible for a human so precious and tiny was overwhelming. But we had plenty of time to rest and reflect in between. I actually did take naps when Everly napped from time to time. And I felt shockingly well-rested during those newborn months with our first baby.

The second baby added a layer of chaos unlike anything I was prepared for. Even though I never took a second to nap when Maxon was sleeping, it still felt like I didn’t have enough time in the day to get everything done.

On top of readjusting to a new tiny human’s schedule and my exclusive pumping schedule, I was potty training a two year old and adjusting to her evolving schedule.

The days passed by more quickly than ever, but the weeks and months seemed to go by even faster. I felt like I blinked my eyes and Maxon was already 6 months old. Life speeds up with your first child, but expect it to go by at least twice as fast with your second.

5 – You Won’t Have Time to Document Every Month, Every Milestone

Starting with my pregnancy, I documented everything with our first baby. In pregnancy, I documented every week with a bump photo. When she was born, I documented every month with a special photo (but probably took a photo every day).

I also documented Everly’s daily schedule in the first few months via an app on my phone. And believe it or not, I actually purchased a baby book AND filled in some of those spaces in there. I also frequently jotted down baby notes about our first child in the notes app on my phone.

Flash forward to the second child and I couldn’t commit to documenting anything. When I started exclusively pumping with him, I remember laughing out loud thinking about the fact that I documented every single pumping session with Everly both on an app and even in a hand written journal. HOW did I have time to do that?

I will say, even though I didn’t write down or take a perfect photo of every milestone with Maxon, I have so many amazing memories and photos/videos of my second baby that I will forever cherish. Having a second child taught me that all that fluffy stuff just wasn’t necessary.

6 – Silence is a Thing of the Past

On the rare occasions that I find myself on a drive by myself (which usually involve my OBGYN appointments these days), I’ll often just turn the radio off and enjoy the sweet sound of silence.

From the time our early bird Maxon wakes me up to when our night owl Everly goes to sleep (which is usually the same time I go to sleep), my days are filled with noise. And to be honest, when my parents or Cole’s watch the kids for a day, the silence in our home kind of freaks me out because I’m so used to it.

And I’m not sure if it’s just my kids, but they seem to feed off of each other’s noises. Maxon wants to copy whatever Everly is saying/doing and they both compete with their volume levels.

So if silence is something you value and need daily, know that with two kids in the house, it will be a very rare thing.

7 – Dad/Your Partner Will Have to Help

Gone are the days when your partner let you do all the heavy lifting. Once baby number two arrives, it’s all hands on deck.

I’ll be honest, Cole wasn’t super hands on when Everly was first born or really for the first year. And I was totally fine with that. I did the feeding, the bathing, the late night wake ups, etc.

When Maxon was born, however, Cole had to step up to the plate. Luckily, he did. Mostly by taking Everly off my hands when I was overwhelmed. Best of all, I can see that he loves being a dad, and engaging with a toddler was much easier and more natural for him than the newborn phase.

I’ve absolutely loved watching his relationship with Everly blossom. If you’re worried about your partner not stepping up and helping when the second baby comes, don’t fret. Most of them will come around at just the right time.

8 – Nighttime is Chaotic

Before kids, evenings used to be a time for relaxation. I’d leave the office, make dinner, pour a glass of wine and binge on tv for a few hours before getting in bed to go sleep.

Those days seem like they were a lifetime ago.

Even with our first baby, I was never the type of mom to do a strict two hour bedtime routine every night. And now that I have two kids, I can’t even imagine making a perfectly balanced dinner, doing bath time, changing into pajamas, brushing teeth, reading books, saying prayers in the perfect order with both kids every single night. It’s just not possible to do it AND feed yourself too.

After Maxon was born, I attempted to accomplish our new nighttime routine all on my own with our two little ones. It was chaotic, to say the least. I absolutely dreaded nighttime. A couple of months into the chaos, and I finally had a chat with Cole about sharing the nighttime responsibilities.

Having Cole help with the nighttime routine did help, but I’m not going to lie, it’s still the most chaotic time of the day and I always feel exhausted after. It’s just one of those things that’s more difficult about having babies so close together, but it’s only that way for the first few years, so it’s one of the challenges I’m more than willing to take on.

9 – Your Second Baby Will Be Sick More Often

Look, toddlers are gross. They touch everything, put everything in their mouths and are bound to get any and every virus that’s going around. So if you decide to have another baby with a toddler in your home, you can expect that baby to be sick more often.

Our first child really only got sick 1-2 times when she was a baby. But poor Maxon seemed to constantly have a runny nose and has had a fever more than just a couple of times in his life. I know it’s mostly because Everly goes to Mother’s Day Out twice a week, so she’s exposed to much more and he’s exposed to everything she brings home with her.

The good news is, your second baby will have a super human immune system as he or she grows up, so the occasional fever and snotty nose will be worth it.

10 – Going Places is a Challenge

Another thing I wasn’t quite prepared for is how challenging it is to go places with two babies. Now you have two kids to dress, two bags to pack and two babies to get in and out of their car seats. Since Maxon was born, grocery pickup has become a staple. I actually can’t think of the last time I physically went into the grocery store.

I honestly try not to drive anywhere with our two kids alone very often. Part of this is due to Maxon’s blood curling screams every time we put him in a car. But in general, getting in and out of the car with two small children is stressful enough on its own.

Before you decide to have another baby, definitely consider how often you have to get out of the house and whether your partner can help share pick up/drop off duties. Which brings me to my next point.

11 – If You Didn’t Have a Nanny/Childcare Before, You’ll Probably Reconsider Now

Something else to think about before deciding “should I have another baby?” is childcare. With Everly, I was able to get away without any childcare except for our parents who would occassionally watch her on the week days or weekends. Since I can work from home, I was still able to run my business without much pause.

Once Maxon was born; however, Cole and I quickly realized we needed to find a nanny. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or work full-time, once you have a second child, you will definitely want to consider childcare.

Even if it’s for once or twice a week so you can go to a yoga class, get your hair done or actually pick up groceries in-person, having someone watch the kids regularly or occasionally will do wonders for your mental health.

We found the most amazing nanny to take care of our kids Monday-Fridays during the work days and it has been so amazing for our family and me and Cole’s relationship too. Which leads to the next point…

12 – Your Relationship With Your Partner Will Take a Toll

Having your first baby likely added some stress and changes to your relationship wijh your partner. But your second will definitely take a toll.

Time spent alone with your partner pretty much has to be planned now. And you can’t forget to make the effort to do it.

I remember not long after Maxon was born, Cole made a comment about how I gave all my time and attention to the kids. And he was right! It seemed impossible not to. That’s why hiring childcare helped our family tremendously along with making our relationship a priority.

If you decide to have another baby, remember to take time for your relationship too. It may seem impossible, but it is so essential to plan dates and time away from the kids with your partner and to prioritize your relationship with each other too.

I’ve heard that it’s after the second kid that some marriages/relationships can really start to fall apart. And I can totally see how easy it can be for that to happen.

13 – Rules You Had With Your First Baby No Longer Apply

If you decide to have another baby, you’ll probably notice yourself breaking rules right from your second pregnancy. Having one child does make us a little less fearful of all the old wives tales and panic/fear that can come with being a first time mom with Google at her fingertips.

I definitely let Maxon have his first taste of sugar before I did with our first. And let him do and try things that I didn’t with our first simply because Everly was doing them and I didn’t want him to miss out. I also was a little less picky with the brands I chose for him.

You May Also Like:

-Newborn Baby Essentials

-My Birth Story With Our First Child

-Toddler Activity Ideas To Do At Home

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Fair-well xx,